Loving Presence

Lessons in Love...

Lessons in Love...

‘I am curious about your use of the word allow.’

My breath caught in my throat, tightness grabbed at my heart, and for a second the sense of vertigo was there, I was on the precipice looking down.  What had she seen, what had I shown, and why did she hone in on that phrase. 

‘I want to offer you some words… notice what happens when you hear them…. It’s OK to allow yourself to be loved.’ 

I turned in, felt the instability in my seat, felt myself twisting just a bit as I looked into that place where it felt scary. 

Enduring love.....

Enduring love.....

In the moment, she asks me to feel into the place where the longing lives, where the desire to reach out to others arises.  I find myself moving my right hand to reach toward someone who is not there, reaching for something that is elusive, something just out of reach.  Drawing my attention to the feeling, she asks me to stay with the longing, to sink into it, let it fill me up, let it flicker to life within me in a deep way.  I notice the ache in my heart for comfort and love, the ache in my heart to be held close, and the voice in my head tells me it is not possible.  Skillfully she notices that change, asking me about this voice, she offers to say those words out loud so I can study them more closely.  Hearing those words shifts the longing to a deeper place, and unconsciously my hands begin to cradle my face.

Stepping toward fear...

Stepping toward fear...

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” 
― Pema ChödrönWhen Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

I am struck by the honesty of this quote, there is a deep truth within this understanding, there is a fear in moving, edging closer to the deep truth that lays within us all.  This has been the 11th block of a 15-block training in Hakomi Mindful Somatic Psychotherapy, and as per usual, I am sitting at the Newark Airport feeling a little shaken up by the process.